Just life lately

I have nothing important to blog about, but a heaviness in my heart lately that I need to get out on paper.  Recently it seems as if my eyes are open to everything I fail at as a parent.  I have guilt and feel resentful over the fact that I can't stay home with the kids; and I beat myself up about the fact that I actually enjoy my job and am not entirely sure i'd want to be a stay at home mom.  Yes, it doesn't completely make sense to me either.I struggle with the knowledge that I can't protect my children from everything I know is causing them worry and fear. 

I fail.

But tonight, after putting the kids to bed it was if the Lord was opening my eyes up to what I am doing.  A slap in the face as if He is saying, "Lindsay- did you forget? I've got this".  And the truth is, I did forget.  I get so caught up in my shortcommings that I forget about the fact that I don't need to have it all together.   In Isaiah 65:10, God explains that the valley of Anchor would be a place of rest.  What irony, that a valley filled with rocks and nothing would be a place for the weary to rest.  But GOD and his grace can turn a rocky path into a resting place. God offers to transform our discouragements and defeats into a ray of hope.

Tonight, as I laid both my kids to sleep I was remided about how truely blessed I am.  And how, if I was doing things as terribly as I feel like I'm doing them right now, my children would not be the loving and compasionate kids that they are.  Baby B is teething like mad and did not want to lay down easily.I nursed him and watched him as his eyes got heavy and I transfered him to his crib.  I hugged him over the crib as he stood there and my arms went numb.  I stayed there still, as he went from standing to sitting and hugged my arm tight.  And I rubbed his back when he finally felt comfortable enough to lay down and eventually drift off.  I didn't let him, "cry it out".  I nursed him to sleep like I've been told not to do by so many of my, "main stream" friends..... and I feel good about it.  I then went the little H's room as she read me the entire story of, There's a Wocket in my Pocket perfectly on her own.  (wondering, when did she get old enough to do this!?) I closed my eyes as she prayed and talked to Jesus like He is her friend.  I listened as she asked for forgiveness for pouting then asked that Jesus help her feel comfortable to tell all her friends about Him. 

I was reminded tonight that failure is not fatal.

Eyes of a child

I love getting a new perspective on the world through my daughter.  She just turned 5 and this is by far, one of my favorite ages.  Not simply because bed time is easy and tantrums are all but non existing- but because I'm excited for things again, seeing them through her eyes.  Easter is on Sunday and she is so excited about the, "Easter bunny/chocolate/eggs".  But i'm so proud that she truly knows what Easter is all about.  She is proud of it, says her favorite time in school is Bible time, and has unwavering faith. 

This morning she comes running into our bedroom like she does almost every morning and says quite factually, "Today is Good Friday.  People like you and me nailed Jesus to the cross.  He had to die so we can live.  I can't wait to die mom, so I can see Jesus".   Wow.  Just wow.  So much wisdom and faith in those few words.  She doesn't question it.  Jesus died so we can live. No second guessing, no fear, no wondering. 

I often wondered why, of all things Christ could have chosen, he picked children to be OUR example.  In Luke 18:17says, “I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” or Matthew 18:4, “Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

I don't run my household like a child, work like a child, etc.  But my faith?  I need to have faith like a child? Hannah sees things differently than I do.  She is simple.  She has humility.  She understands grace. Jesus died so we don't have to. To her, there is nothing to question.  


Walking on the road to Jerusalem.
The time had come to sacrifice again.
My two small sons they walked beside me on the road.
The reason that they came was to watch the lamb

Daddy, daddy, what will we see there
There's so much we don't understand
So I told them of Moses and Father Abraham
And then I said dear children watch the lamb.
 
When we reached the city I knew something must be wrong
There were no joyful worshippers no joyful worship songs.
I stood there with my children in the midst of angry men.
And then I heard the crowd cry out crucify Him.

I watched Him as He struggled I watched Him as He fell.
The cross came down upon His back, the crowd began to yell.
In that moment I felt such agony, in that moment I felt such loss.
Until a Roman soldier grabbed my arm and screamed "You carry His cross.

At first I tried to resist him, then his hand reached his sword.
And so I knelt and took the cross from the Lord.
I placed it on my shoulder and started down the street.
The blood that He'd been shedding was running down my cheek.
 
They led us to Golgotha they drove nails deep in His feet and hands.
And yet upon the cross I heard Him pray, "Father, forgive them."
Oh never have I seen such love in any other eyes.
"Into thy hands I commit My spirit." He prayed and then He died.
 
I stood for what seemed like years I'd lost all sense of time.
Until I felt two tiny hands holding tight to mine.
My children stood there weeping I heard the oldest say.
"Father, please forgive us the lamb ran away.
 

Daddy, daddy what have we seen here.
There is so much we don't understand.
so I took them in my arms.
We turned and faced the cross,
and I said, "Dear children,
Watch the Lamb."

Are you a Godly Mother?

Somedays (okay, most days) my time with my kids seem to just FLY by.  Wake up at 4:45, feed the baby, get myself ready, take out the dog, fix meals for daycare, feed toddler, bring in dog, find something for breakfast, get baby ready, make sure toddler is ready, walk out the door and get to work all before 7 AM.  That is just my morning schedule!  (leaving out the occasional argument and grumbling).  Sometimes I sit back at the end of the day, for the few minutes the house is quiet and think.  Think about the impact I'm having on my children.  Did I make a difference?  Did I do the right thing?  Did I spend enough quality time with each of my children to where they BOTH feel loved.  Did I show them compassion and the love of, Jesus....  Or did I let my tiredness get the best of me and I rush my kids to bed so I can sit in the house, alone, for 5 minutes. 

This is my story.  Good.  Bad.  Hard.  Joyous. 

Last night, I kept wondering, how can I be a better mother to my children?  Many people don't realize the influence that parents have on their children.  2 Tim 1:5, the Apostle Paul makes the following statement concerning the GODLY INFLUENCES of a Mother and Grandmother, upon the life of Timothy, Paul states;

"I have been reminded of your sincere faith , which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice, and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also ............."

How then does a Godly Mother INFLUENCE her children?

A Godly Mother Has a PROFOUND INFLUENCE on Her Children

It was Lord Shaftesbury who said, "Give me a generation of Christian mothers and I will undertake to change the whole face of society in twelve months".

The word translated SINCERE, comes from the Greek word, from which we get our English word, HYPOCRITE. It means to be undisguised, to be without hypocrisy, to be genuine, to be sincere, to be without pretense or deceit. It is a word that RINGS with REALITY. Paul employed this word in 1 Tim 1:5, were he said,

The goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart (speak truth in love... not being blunt or rude and calling it honest) and a good conscience and a SINCERE faith. And again in 2 Cor 6:6, Paul used this word to describe his sincere love, he call's it ‘GENUINE Love' . James also uses this word, as he describes the final qualification of the ‘Wisdom from above ...', James 3:17;

Wisdom from above, is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, WITHOUT HYPOCRISY.

The SINCERE FAITH of Timothy's Mother Eunice and grandmother Lois made a DEEP and LASTING impression on Timothy's life. The REALITY of their faith, deeply impressed Timothy. Timothy was a young man who had a Godly heritage.

It is my prayer today that I can be a mother more like Eunice and Lois- and make a lasting impression for my children and generations to come.